Is he the wrong guy?

I have never want to have a daughter in future as I think it's dilemma being a girl. But I have one, I would love to tell her how I think about my relationships.

I used to look for a perfect man who is qualified by my own categories such as smart, strong and manly - ofcourse. Past few years just keep looking for those men and felt for some who was potentially fit with my checklist. Ah, to be honest, long time ago, I think check-list is something stupid, but then I realised if there is no check-list, I am the stupid one, who throws everything out just for a not-worthy-guy!!! Now it's real dilemma!

There we go, a check-list for any one who wants to join into my world. But somehow all the potential candidates turned into...some childish, selfish and low visionaries. But it was not the worst, they were all too young for me regardless of ages (30+, 20+ -- they're the same!).

Back to my current relationship, when I started to date him, I used to think he's mature enough although he is younger than me 1 year. It meant I did not expect too much about his adulthood. In the beginning, I was fine with all the...childish things until one day, I found exhausted being his mum. The question are: Do I change, require more and more Or he's wrong guy?? I believe the answer for both questions are the big "YES". I have changed after dating because being his mum is not myself and not what I wanted. I wanted to be his sweet, sexy girlfriend, not daring mum! After time, I could not accept the facts that I am closer being his mum. Then I require more and more from him to reject that position. But on the other hands, he is still a kid for me. So what should I do now?

Right at this moment- writing you a story, I am thinking about finding me a new one. But how long does it take until I find the right guy? Or I will never meet anyone who perfectly fits my list!

You know, I think from all the relationships I had, It was always me, who screwed it, not them. Because they were very nice guys until they..met me. Why? I spoiled them with too nice treats because I want to do everything for my lover! That's suck! Do you know why, because I swap every thing that a girl should be to ...someone who cares and loves them unconditionally! That such of love is only from mother. OMG! How stupid I was. I did not demand them to buy me these, those (it's not about money, you got what I meant?), I did not demand them to change for me, or spoil me, I was always a strong, confident women (now it more likely their mum!)

Now I see, being a girl that mean being a powerful person to loved man, who are willing to do everything to provide and protect her. What a joke when I am think of myself as a protector or even a mentors! F***!

From men's perspective I think I adopted wrong approach from the very beginning. I should have let them know about my requirement first. If they are happy with that, we can move to next stage which are finding and accepting and finally marriage. Now I see, men can change if they want to, so I would love to notice my current boyfriend about they way he treats me. Instead of a message I love to receive a call from him when he's away saying he misses me and worries about me. Instead of apologising and saying he would change, he should act properly, not wordy! Instead of being his mum, loving him unconditionally, I also want to change. I want to be spoiled by him, encouraged by him. In another word, I want to change him and I want him growing up.

So there is no perfect man readily for me, unless I work really hard to get one. My boyfriend is potentially, all I need is some effort to change him, if not, there is nothing to regret about, isn't it? But do I still have enough love until then??!!! Maybe!